Content, Catalog, & Info Marketing

Murder Under My Patio


Country tragedy that ends with no winners.


A female squirrel had been residing under the patio for the few years we rented the house. She had 3 entrances to her underground housing.


Produced several litters and by the end of their maturing season she had 2 or 3 less than when the gang first emerged from the hole.


They feared us, but the window provided a great view of their activities.


Fed them strawberries, lettuce, cucumbers, grapes, and one of their favorites was watermelon.


Friends warned us they were trouble…


I opened the doors under the kitchen sink and a wild party had happened. Greens, eggshells, and soiled paper towels strewn in the cupboard from the garbage can. We blocked up the access the next day.


Witnessed a squirrel fight with fur flying, I assume for territory. He was an ugly guy. Had a black triangular patch with a point from behind his neck that flared to the middle of his back, resembled a cloak on a villain.


The mother squirrel appeared with a new litter and as they scurried in and out of the hole, the count was 7. Next day it was 6. The next day there were 5. Each day the numbers dropped. They were on high alert, remaining within inches of the main entrance.


Even though we are different species in the animal kingdom, my heart goes out to the plight of the mother squirrel.


I can only imagine the terror under my patio. Ferocious attack each night, as he enters the den kills one of their siblings and the mother trying to protect them against the brute. It explains why with one less pup each day they huddled together and never entered the grasses as previous litters.


The last one stuck close to the mother, and both skittish at any noise, ready for a quick retreat. The next day she emerged by herself and looked very distraught. I put out a strawberry and lettuce leaves, hoping to ease the tragic event for her. Continued to give her treats each day until she no longer appeared and the days got colder.


Next spring the villain was sitting on my patio.


She is missing. Did he run her off or kill her? He had taken over her den.


Refuse to feed the villain. No more free lunches, the squirrel lunch truck has closed shop.


I jiggle the door handle and he popped back in the hole. Harass him as much as possible, covering his escape routes with rocks. No mercy on his violent assault on the little guys and I am sure he had something to do with the female’s disappearance.


Not judge and jury, but a good hunch on what he did, without his lawyer present I know he can’t defend himself. But justice served when they tented the house for beetles. His holes covered up and gas administered, no more squirrels anywhere for months.


As a copywriter:

I help build businesses, bringing new products and services to the world.